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Post by ladyv on Apr 5, 2010 13:42:08 GMT -5
I don't know if this is the right place to put this, but I hope it gets some Godly feedback.
What do you do about pedophiles.
My father is a pedophile and my mother knew what he did to his six daughters and she chose to stay with him. When I grew up I still went around my parents, then he molested at least one of my daughters. So I separated and told my sister's (who say I should just forgive him) I will not go around them and allow my grandchildren to be molested. They think I have an unforgiven spirit and just believe he won't do anything to anybody. Plus he is a very mean and negative man. Him and my mother fight and put each other down constantly.
Thanks for listening
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Post by lrtillis on Apr 5, 2010 16:01:51 GMT -5
Hello Ms. Ladyv,
I have never had to deal with sexual abuse in this manner so I cannot fully say that I understand where you are coming from or how you might feel.
What I can offer is this:
Matthew 5:43-48 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.
In other words, love your father and pray for him that the Lord would draw your father to Himself (the Lord) and to repentance. As far as how you deal with him concerning your children, be VERY prayerful and wise. If your father does not have a relationship with the Lord the chances are great the he will not change and you, as a mother, have the responsiblity to protect your children from what you know to be a dangerous situation. If you do allow your father to see them I would be sure that you never leave them alone with him.
As for what your mother's choices, what can you say? Not that you and your siblings are all probably adults all you can do is be in prayer for her as well and pray that God opens her eyes to His truth and how to properly handle someone such as your father. And harbor no ill will in your heart towards her but forgive her as well.
Outside of loving and forgiving, please do pray earnestly to the Lord on how to deal with this situation wisely.
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Post by LDM on Apr 8, 2010 8:13:34 GMT -5
Hi LadyV,
I agree with Tikastar. Our forgiving others does not mean that we all of a sudden become blind to what/who they are. Apart from being born again of God, we have no power to turn from sin. Man cannot stop sinning on his own; the sin nature will only exchange one manifestation of sin for another.
As you walk with God, it will become critical that you look to Him for what is right and not lean to the wisdom of men. Only He can see what we cannot and only He knows what is best for His children.
Now, I will say that there may in fact still be unforgiveness in your heart towards your parents. What you describe is a horrendous thing to deal with and it may take God some time to heal the wounds such a betrayal would cause.
However, your not allowing your children to be with them is no proof of this. God can give you grace and strength to forgive them and still tell you that it is not safe for you children to be with them. One has nothing to do with the other.
We are to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves; not doormats. We are not even called to live up to other's expectations of what they feel we should be doing. Our command is to serve God in spirit and in truth...regardless of who agrees or understands.
I pray that God continues to give you understanding of how to handle your parents, but that He also continue to do a work in you and your children to heal the abuse which you have experienced.
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Post by newstartnow on May 4, 2010 1:49:02 GMT -5
We have a similar situation going on in my family with my sister and her husband. Should the wife divorce the husband if she knows he is molesting her daughter?
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Post by LDM on May 4, 2010 5:58:51 GMT -5
Well, I sure cannot tell anyone what to do with a marriage and nor has God given me a word for that particular situation. However, your sister is not only a wife, but a mother. She has God-given responsibility for that child.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but it would just seem logical that she should separate the child from such a situation. She could always pray about God's will for a divorce AFTER she has moved the child to safety. There is no need to ponder divorce while the child is still being harmed.
Now I apologize if I misunderstood your question. It is hard to tell from the way it is stated whether the child is still in danger and in the presence of the father or not.
Further, again for the protection of the child, this molestation needs to be reported to authorities if this has not been the case. The child needs to have in place protective orders that prevent the father from abusing his parental rights so as to have opportunity to hurt her again.
If I were in that position, divorce would be the least of my concerns. The first priority should be ensuring the child's well-being. Again, I could have the wrong understanding here, but it seems selfish to have one's thoughts focused on one's own future (whether to divorce or not) when the priority is the child. I would focus on taking care of my child by getting her to safety & starting her healing process and forget all else until that is achieved.
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Post by newstartnow on May 6, 2010 4:37:48 GMT -5
Well I guess I should have phrased my question differently. The family "suspects" that the husband is molesting the daughter. We don't have solid proof.
I do understand your answer LDM. The safety of her child is most important.
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Post by LDM on May 8, 2010 9:37:43 GMT -5
Ohhhh! OKay, I understand now.
Has she been examined by a doctor? How old is the daughter, can she talk about what is happening? I do think legally you would need to have some objective proof in order to mandate a separation between the father and daughter, or the father could just say that your sister is making this up.
I have to say that it says a WHOLE LOT about the relationship between your sister and her husband that she could even think such is happening. It says alot about who she thinks he is as a man. That alone (even if the allegations are untrue) indicates real problems in their relationship.
Does your sister know the Lord? He is the only one who is going to be able to direct her in this situation. I would say keep her in prayer that God gives her wisdom, which I am sure you are already doing. :-)
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