Post by estes on Jan 29, 2010 9:13:11 GMT -5
Okay. I've seen the video's and read the text. Christmas has so many meanings, and the way it is looked at by one it is completely looked at differently by others. I've read two different Bible websites that spoke on Christmas and they used the same verses and similar examples and had two very different meanings and how to go about celebrating it. Bible.com has a good article on Christmas.... so does LatterDayMinistries... at the same time they are completely different... I know I can't live life going on what other people say and feel. It's a decision I have to make between me and GOD. I just find it so frustrating reading and analyzing the Bible after seeing what others have to say. I try to look at things from there point of view as well as mine. I always end up getting confused sometimes.
I'll just have to read the Bible, pray about it, and ask GOD to show me the right answers.
I hate saying that I want to do what I feel or think is right. Knowing good and well that the mans heart and flesh is by far, far away from GOD. I just couldn't imagine. Now, if GOD lives in me and I in him, technically I'm just supposed to know. Maybe I don't hear GOD like other people do... to be honest... I don't know what GOD sounds like. Now I get those voice in my head (lol) that tell me when something is wrong or right and what I shouldn't be doing. I know that's GOD but the voice always sounds like me though. When I think about my mom and stuff I can hear her voice. But How do I know what GOD's voice sounds like? I feel like my mind is a scrambled egg. I'm not trying to be funny, but, I'm serious... I just don't know what to think sometimes. I don't do drugs or drink like a drunk person would... (no beer or hard stuff). I really want GOD to give me a new mine cause I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes. By far living for GOD is the HARDEST thing I've ever had to do but I'm determined and I have faith in GOD that he will bring me through. Honestly I hate thinking. When I think, everything gets so critical, everything is detailed.... It's like my brain is a super computer and it processes every possibility and out come... it runs multiple scans and performs different functions... It's so unbearable at times cause I can never make a clear decision or when I do I always have that thought... did I say the right thing or not. I have a past and it's dark, but, I put those things behind me and turned forth a new foot and a new look toward GOD. But why do I feel GUILTY all the time? It just seems like I'm always down and out no matter how positive I try to be... everything is difficult all the time. Even though GOD is with me all the time, I feel so alone. I like being by myself but I'm empty. Sometimes I wish I could disappear and go to a place where it's just Me and GOD. No worries, no nothing. There have been times where I thought that dying would be better than living. If I could just go to sleep and GOD take me away.
I can recall nights I would talk to GOD and say "GOD I don't want to be wrong." My biggest fear and I know fear is not of GOD is that I will make GOD unhappy and he will send me to hell. Even when I do good or right it's like Satan points out every thing that is wrong or how no matter what I do or how much I change I'm going to lose... I HATE THAT! and I HATE SATAN! I just want to be free. I don't feel free. I feel like I'm tied down. I've prayed and prayed and prayed that I be delivered from whatever it is that is making me feel like I'm being held back but nothing seems to shake it. I have NO doubt in GOD... I understand he works on his time, not mine.
I always tell GOD.... "Before I close my eyes for the last time, I just want to get it right." Meaning I want to be living the life that GOD wants me to live for HIM, serving HIM. I want to walk before GOD and be made perfect (Kind of like Abraham). I don't care about none of this worldly stuff anymore like I use to... Sometimes I find myself slipping but I pick up the slack and keep trucking. All I want to do is please GOD. It is so HARD taking up my cross daily and following Jesus Christ. When I look at other people, I'm like, "I could easily do that and have fun, but I would lose sight of GOD and lose my soul." I refuse to gain the world and lose my soul. lol I rather be miserable and server GOD than to be happy and sever the devil. I like to use that extreme because that's how I feel about GOD... I love him so much, I'm willing to give up everything including my happiness to serve him and do his will. I like reading the 73rd Psalm.
That was a mouth full... I started talking about Christmas and ended up here. It's funny where GOD will take you sometimes. But hey... I'm glad I did come here cause I feel better now after talking about some things.
I'll just have to read the Bible, pray about it, and ask GOD to show me the right answers.
I hate saying that I want to do what I feel or think is right. Knowing good and well that the mans heart and flesh is by far, far away from GOD. I just couldn't imagine. Now, if GOD lives in me and I in him, technically I'm just supposed to know. Maybe I don't hear GOD like other people do... to be honest... I don't know what GOD sounds like. Now I get those voice in my head (lol) that tell me when something is wrong or right and what I shouldn't be doing. I know that's GOD but the voice always sounds like me though. When I think about my mom and stuff I can hear her voice. But How do I know what GOD's voice sounds like? I feel like my mind is a scrambled egg. I'm not trying to be funny, but, I'm serious... I just don't know what to think sometimes. I don't do drugs or drink like a drunk person would... (no beer or hard stuff). I really want GOD to give me a new mine cause I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes. By far living for GOD is the HARDEST thing I've ever had to do but I'm determined and I have faith in GOD that he will bring me through. Honestly I hate thinking. When I think, everything gets so critical, everything is detailed.... It's like my brain is a super computer and it processes every possibility and out come... it runs multiple scans and performs different functions... It's so unbearable at times cause I can never make a clear decision or when I do I always have that thought... did I say the right thing or not. I have a past and it's dark, but, I put those things behind me and turned forth a new foot and a new look toward GOD. But why do I feel GUILTY all the time? It just seems like I'm always down and out no matter how positive I try to be... everything is difficult all the time. Even though GOD is with me all the time, I feel so alone. I like being by myself but I'm empty. Sometimes I wish I could disappear and go to a place where it's just Me and GOD. No worries, no nothing. There have been times where I thought that dying would be better than living. If I could just go to sleep and GOD take me away.
I can recall nights I would talk to GOD and say "GOD I don't want to be wrong." My biggest fear and I know fear is not of GOD is that I will make GOD unhappy and he will send me to hell. Even when I do good or right it's like Satan points out every thing that is wrong or how no matter what I do or how much I change I'm going to lose... I HATE THAT! and I HATE SATAN! I just want to be free. I don't feel free. I feel like I'm tied down. I've prayed and prayed and prayed that I be delivered from whatever it is that is making me feel like I'm being held back but nothing seems to shake it. I have NO doubt in GOD... I understand he works on his time, not mine.
I always tell GOD.... "Before I close my eyes for the last time, I just want to get it right." Meaning I want to be living the life that GOD wants me to live for HIM, serving HIM. I want to walk before GOD and be made perfect (Kind of like Abraham). I don't care about none of this worldly stuff anymore like I use to... Sometimes I find myself slipping but I pick up the slack and keep trucking. All I want to do is please GOD. It is so HARD taking up my cross daily and following Jesus Christ. When I look at other people, I'm like, "I could easily do that and have fun, but I would lose sight of GOD and lose my soul." I refuse to gain the world and lose my soul. lol I rather be miserable and server GOD than to be happy and sever the devil. I like to use that extreme because that's how I feel about GOD... I love him so much, I'm willing to give up everything including my happiness to serve him and do his will. I like reading the 73rd Psalm.
That was a mouth full... I started talking about Christmas and ended up here. It's funny where GOD will take you sometimes. But hey... I'm glad I did come here cause I feel better now after talking about some things.